'Old' vs. 'Young.'

I spent some time with one of my aunts last night for the first time in years. We caught up, talked about my grandparents some (the main reason for my visit out to New Jersey), and briefly flipped through the photos of my not-wedding party from last October. She wanted to know what it was that Merk did, where he was, and the usual questions that follow a line of conversation like that.

After finding out that things are tricky with re-enlisting right now, she asked the question that I expected to hear - whether or not I wanted him to stay in the military.

"Yes," I said, "as long as he wants to stay in."

"Isn't that dangerous?" she inquired.

"I don't care about the danger, I just want him happy."

"That's young," she said.

That's the first time I've ever really wanted to smack a family member in the face. That inclination didn't fully crystallize until several hours later when I was thinking about it, but let's break this down. My aunt feels that my outlook about Merk is 'young' because it apparently perpetuates a 'feeling of invincibility.' I didn't have the opportunity to explain my side to her, as conversation moved on very rapidly (my parents were there, and my mother almost immediately changed the subject. I'm pretty certain she realized that was not a good topic to be on), but let's go through that now.

Merk works a very serious job in a very serious place. He plays down the danger whenever we talk, but let's face a fact here - he's currently over in the Middle East. Even if he is in the most safe area out there, it's still dangerous right now. Someone could decide at any moment to bomb the base that he's localized on. He could go out into town and be maimed or killed just because he's white.

There's absolutely nothing I can do about that. Nothing. He's on the other side of the world, and even if I wanted to keep him safely cocooned in plastic wrap, there's no way to do that while he's over there. Yes, he's in danger. Yes, he could die or come home paralyzed or missing an eye or a limb. It's the chance he takes so that he can do something that makes him feel worthwhile.

Let's face a fact here. I could go outside, right now, and be run over by a car. It doesn't matter if I stay on the sidewalk or go running out into traffic - it's a legitimate possibility. The elevator in this antiquated hotel could fail and I could plunge four stories to my maiming. Danger is everywhere, but most people ignore it because they've learned how to minimize their chance of being hurt.

That's what Merk's training does for him. Yes, he's in danger, but he has been given the tools to minimize the danger that he is in. My primary concern is whether or not Merk feels fulfilled. I want him happy and feeling like what he does matters. Few people these days have that luxury, so as long as I can manage that for him, it's what I'll do. If being 'young' is worrying more about whether someone feels worthwhile than about how much danger they're in, I'm going to stay young as long as possible.

Some Days, There's More than One Test.

Let's talk about scams. I am supposed to be taking my Theory II final right now, but I can't concentrate because I am so angry.

The scam, taken from the perspective of the victim, does more than just to get your money. I mean, yes; the purpose for the perpetrator is pretty much exclusively to separate you from as much money as they can. The victim usually ends up feeling like a squab. They stop trusting as much, and usually are out a fair bit of money.

Let's give a personal example here. Back somewhere around 2000, I went to the Beachwood mall with Bunny. We wandered around, and at some point we pass a kiosk with those name-on-a-grain-of-rice necklaces. The dude started talking to me, and I was too polite to tell him to leave me alone. Ten minutes later, I had my name on a grain of rice inside a dolphin, and the dude had $20 from me. I never wanted the dumb thing, but it happened. I lost the necklace at some point ten years later, but I kept it around for ages as a reminder of what happens when you have problems telling people no. It was one of my first self-learned lessons, and it stuck. Hard.

Everyone falls for a scam at some point in their lives. Hopefully it's a small one, but occasionally it's not. Let's go through my day yesterday.

I didn't sleep at all two nights ago, so by noon I was pretty solidly exhausted. I took a nap. At 1:30, my father-in-law called and woke me up. He was terribly upset and asked me if Merk was ok. I was 3/4 asleep, but had talked to my husband that morning at 9:00 a.m. over Skype. Apparently, Merk's mother had called his father and said that something had happened to Merk.

I can understand why that would be upsetting, but I just assured Merk's dad that my husband was fine, he had just gone to sleep a few hours before, and as far as I knew absolutely nothing was going on. A good wife at this point would have called her mother-in-law to see what was going on, but I fell asleep within three minutes, and had forgotten all about it when I woke up.

This morning, I hop onto Facebook to see Merk's first status since he left for his big-sandbox-adventures: "All: I am fine. If anyone calls you on my behalf, saying I need help, money, or whatever else, call my CDO. He will know within 20 minutes if anything has happened to me." My heart sank. What had happened? Was there some news blip that I had missed?

Luckily for me, the husband is online. I ask him what had happened and mentioned my nap-experience and apologized for not telling him earlier or taking further steps. He said that he had found out about this when his mother noticed him on Facebook and messaged him in a tizzy. Here's what had happened:

At some point yesterday, someone called Merk's maternal grandparents and told them that Merk had been arrested in Barcelona, and he needed $2400 for bail money or he'd be in deep shit with his command. Being the loving, supportive people that they are, they promptly wired the money to the 'US Consulate agent.' Then, they called Merk's mother to let her know what had happened. Then, she called her ex-husband, and he called me.

Let's break this down. For those of you who aren't aware, Merk's in the military. He's currently over in the United Arab Emirates somewhere doing Something Important. That's about all I know about what he's up to while he's on deployment, but I don't want to know much more. I don't want to be one of those wives who accidentally lead bad people to harm the military or their families, so this will be the most information that's ever posted about him up on this thing.

Okay, so United Arab Emirates. Where is that, exactly? It's in the Middle East, in what looks to me like the middle. It's about as middle as you can be. Barcelona is allll the way over in Spain. If you look at the map below, it's in the green section (Europe), just off the left of the frame.

That's a long way apart. According to Google Maps, it would take 3 days, 5 hours of driving to get you from one to the other. Merk told his family where he was going, so one would hope that they realized how far apart the two places are, even if in a vague 'wow, he's a long way away from where he said he would be'-type way.

Ok, let's say that for some reason Merk did go to Barcelona. He gets arrested for, I don't know, getting in a dude's face for yelling at a lady. He's sitting there in jail, and the only way for him to get out is for his family to pay $2400? So that the military doesn't get him into deep doodoo? I've heard stories from the days that Merk was in Guam. In a situation like this, the military would get Merk out of prison and then bear down upon him with the holy wrath of a prima donna denied her usual part. It doesn't matter if Merk had gotten out of prison before the military got around to it; they would find out, and he would still be in hot water. I could be wrong here, but I'm relatively certain that's how it works.

But Merk's grandparents didn't have the opportunity to think it through. I cannot blame them for this at all, because if I had taken that phone call, I would have freaked out and probably done the same thing. They heard that their beloved grandson was in trouble and responded as the caring people that they are. They also don't have the luxury that I do, of talking to Merk a few times a week over Skype, even if it is nothing more than leaving him a message when I go to sleep and having one waiting for me when I wake up. I don't know when they had last heard from him, but it was undoubtedly a while. Given less information than I have, I can completely understand freaking out and just reacting.

I am not upset with his grandparents in this situation. The person I am upset with is whoever has decided to scam two loving people out of over two thousand dollars by telling an utter fabrication. I have no idea how person X figured out that Merk was in the military, deployed, and that his grandparents were his grandparents, but it sickens me. How could someone do this? Merk does what he does because he believes in protecting the rights that most of us take for granted. Someone out there is taking advantage of the fact that the family doesn't know much about what their military member is doing abroad.

There's not much I can do other than getting the word out, so spread it. Let people know that if someone calls you to say that your friend/husband/family member in the military is in trouble and needs money now, do the smart thing. Take down the number that called you, call the CDO, and ask. The military isn't going to send someone halfway around the world and then let them disappear to another country without knowing about it. Don't let yourself be taken in.