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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Metal Chickens; the Gateway Drug.

I was going to write about the blog post that led to my downfall, but first I came across this tiny problem. See, my husband introduced me to The Bloggess, and I have no idea what to call him here. Ideally, I'll come up with some clever nickname for him. Then he can still have a personality and people can identify with him while his anonymity remains intact, but I have no bright ideas for a brilliant nomme de guerre. And let's face it, if he's going to get one, it's gotta be good.

This has led to me falling off topic and into having a conversation with my own personal version of devil/angel personalities. Mine are both male, strangely, and they're both characters from a TV show (even if one of them is just the actual person playing a caricature of himself).

Wil Wheaton: Let's find something really awesome to call him. Like Merk, Hoarder of Guns.

Sheldon Cooper: That doesn't even make any sense. By that logic, you should be Griselda, Hoarder of Cats. Besides, he owns way more books than guns. Merk, Hoarder of Books. It doesn't sound even vaguely awesome.

Wil Wheaton: Okay. What do you have, then?

Sheldon Cooper: What's wrong with just calling him by his first initial? D. It's a classic. Besides, 99% of your reader base right now knows very well who he is.

Wil Wheaton: D is boring. Besides, it's not exactly a trendy letter. We might as well call him Umlaut or something if we're doing that. At least Umlaut has a personality.

Sheldon Cooper: What personality is that, exactly? "Help! I got drunk and fell over?" Drunken colons may be funny to grammarians, but that's not exactly his personality.

Wil Wheaton: Look, manly muppet, you're just going to have to take it on faith that Umlaut is an awesome name. Maybe for a Swedish metal rocker who has fallen on hard times, but it's awesome.

Sheldon Cooper: Think about what you just said there. Do you really want to tell people that he's an ageing Swedish rocker?

Wil Wheaton: Right. Merk it is, then.

Sheldon Cooper: WHEATON!

It generally devolved from there. Those of you who have seen the Wil Wheaton-peppered episodes of the Big Bang Theory will happily tell me that I haven't captured the voices of either character. I'll just wait for my cease-and-desist letter in the mail.

Let me introduce you to the post that got me hooked. One day, Merk sent me a link on Skype (despite the fact that he was sitting three feet away from me) to a post about a giant metal chicken. I read it, laughed my big cushiony butt off, marked our 15th anniversary in the calendar as 'Giant Metal Chickeniversary,' and promptly forgot it. About six weeks later, my little sister texted me the link, and was all like 'OMG, haha!' I re-read it, because it's awesome, and went back to my regularly scheduled life.

What no one really knew was that blog post was rattling around in my brain for months, just waiting to pounce. I knew now that The Bloggess was well written, featuring my sort of humor, but I just couldn't be bothered to read it. Lazy procrastinators unite. Every month or so, I'd go and poke through her blog to see what was going on and see what else she had brought her phenomenal perspective to.

Now that Merk is off on the other side of the world on his awesome barbarian adventure, I'm at a loss. He's been gone for a month, and what am I to do? Here's where Beyonce snuck up on me and pounced. In the last week, I have gone on a blog-reading binge from all sorts of amazing talents. The Bloggess. Telling Dad. Barista Brat. 2 a.m. would come and there I would be on the couch, covered in cats and staring fixedly at a screen. It's been a problem.

I love the snapshots of someone else's psyche that a good blog portrays. I hadn't even realized that I loved them so much until this happened. The Bloggess brings a real-world perspective to depression, marriage, psychological issues, and almost anything you can imagine. She's the type of woman who I would be proud to call my friend.

Telling Dad deals with parenting, dealing with neighbors and schools, and an infinite vastness of real world living. He deals with situations with children he hasn't sired with a firm and respectful hand - 'you are here at my house. While you are here, you will be respectful of me and appropriate. If you aren't, you need to leave.' Not many people would take umbrage to their children being shown the line that gently. It doesn't step on parenting toes, but it clearly sets out consequences for the child. Many, many props.

Barista Brat started off working for Starbucks many, many years ago. She eventually put up her anonymous blog about her experiences working there, and it's amazing to see experiences that I dealt with at my days at S'bux show up there. I'm not alone. More to the point, her blog is an inspiration - she grew up with Starbucks, but has branched out and opened up her own coffee shop in her city. I desperately hope that she makes it, because it is obvious that she is truly dedicated to her craft and a very hard worker.

There are several more, of course, but these are the three that resonate the most to me - the three that I would recommend to all people. Everyone has their kryptonite, and blog reading isn't mine, but absolutely everyone could deal with a little peek into someone else's life from time to time.

As for my kryptonite? It's a secret, to be held far away from y'all until I've devolved into a proper Evil Overlord and someone needs saving.

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